What things do you value in a sexual partner? What standards do you hold yourself to? Has that changed over time and if so in what ways? What part does chemistry play and how much control do we have over that? Let me know your thoughts!
Apart from the non-negotiables (respect for consent and boundaries), I think I value curiosity most. Especially in an ongoing partner I think that's where the most fun happens.
The chemistry question has always bothered me for being so hard to tie down. Everyone values it so much, and yet how much of it is susceptible to randomness? Random touch on a random body part at an accidentally significant moment--sometimes I worry that that means nothing, but creates the start of something that ends up feeling inevitable. On the other hand, I do think we have a lot of control over that; I suspect most people have swallowed down on a moment that felt both attractive and wrong at the same time.
The biggest thing is definitely communication, and willing to listen to work out the best fit for you as a partnership rather than just assuming. Obviously if I’m very in the moment, I’m not going to stop for a brief beforehand but I think it’s really exciting when you have a new partner and you are going to have this unique experience of mixing two peoples interests, kinks etc.
Apart from the non-negotiables (respect for consent and boundaries), I think I value curiosity most. Especially in an ongoing partner I think that's where the most fun happens.
The chemistry question has always bothered me for being so hard to tie down. Everyone values it so much, and yet how much of it is susceptible to randomness? Random touch on a random body part at an accidentally significant moment--sometimes I worry that that means nothing, but creates the start of something that ends up feeling inevitable. On the other hand, I do think we have a lot of control over that; I suspect most people have swallowed down on a moment that felt both attractive and wrong at the same time.
The biggest thing is definitely communication, and willing to listen to work out the best fit for you as a partnership rather than just assuming. Obviously if I’m very in the moment, I’m not going to stop for a brief beforehand but I think it’s really exciting when you have a new partner and you are going to have this unique experience of mixing two peoples interests, kinks etc.